Eight-Year-Old Misogynist

Written by Holly, Chicago

Growing up, I was the stereotypical tomboy. I sat at the boys table at lunch, I would run around with them at recess and go over to their houses after school. I played baseball, took karate lessons, and even collected Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Looking back on that time in my life always brings back happy memories. I loved my friends, I loved my after-school activities, and I was more than content with my life in small-town Connecticut. However, despite how happy those memories are, as I have gotten older and reminisce on that time, I have come to an unsettling realization: eight-year-old me was a misogynist!

That may seem like a harsh label for an elementary school kid, but I can’t deny the truth of it. While I was certainly living the way that made me happiest, I vividly remember I was convinced that being a “tomboy” made me better than my fellow female classmates. Eight-year-old-me genuinely believed that being a “girly-girl” was lame and stupid. In adult speak, I thought other girls were less than for expressing their femininity. Eight-year-old me would proudly tell her friends that she didn’t connect with other girls very well, that she didn’t want to surround herself with all of the drama they created. But what was really happening was the society around me and, specifically, the media I consumed conditioned me into believing that being a girl or woman was less than. 

Fast forward to high school: ironically, I ended up at an all-girls school in New England, which would’ve made elementary-school-me throw a total fit. But as a high-schooler I was older, wiser. I proudly called myself a feminist. I was up to date and aware of the social issues going on in the world around me. And yet, even then, I was ashamed to admit that I enjoyed what I regarded as typically girly things, such as listening to Taylor Swift or watching teen dramas like Teen Wolf. Although my brain had developed and changed quite a bit since my misogyny days, society still hadn’t caught up. The world had continued to tell me that being a woman was something to be ashamed of. 

It wasn’t until the end of high school when this internalized misogyny really started to dissolve. While it’s troubling and sad to accept these kinds of things about myself, I also can’t completely blame my younger self. This is the information I was fed, subliminally or not by the media and the culture I was surrounded by. I think about a lot of the Disney princess movies I watched as a kid. Although the story lines were centered around a woman, her actions were always impacted by a man! And at the end of most movies from my childhood, a big, strong man would come in to save the day. What sort of message does that send? That a woman’s main goal in life is to find love and search for strength in a man? Not anymore.

While I can look around now and recognize there have certainly been strides in the right direction, it would be ignorant to believe that this type of messaging no longer exists today. It is so incredible that in the United States we have just elected our first female vice president - especially because when I was younger, that was not something I thought would ever happen. But juxtaposed that with Megan Markle: she is ridiculed and shamed by the public for breaking the mold and going against sexist Royal Family traditions. 

People everywhere, consciously or not, are intaking the idea that women are simply not worthy of respect. Despite all of the bad, I have really learned a lot about the world around me. I recognize the impact and harm internalized misogyny can have on myself and others, and I now live my life trying not to judge others for their interests. I realized that my judgements weren’t based on my actual opinion, but on what I had been conditioned to believe. I also no longer believe in the idea of a “guilty pleasure”. If you enjoy something and it doesn’t cause harm to anyone else, then why be ashamed? We should all be allowed to enjoy the things that make our souls happy.

Internalized misogyny is something that I still find myself struggling with every so often. Despite this, you can absolutely find me blasting a Taylor Swift album, walking around the neighborhood in my cutest, flowiest dress, and having a girls spa night knowing that expressing my femininity makes me no more or less than anyone else.